Whoops, had another one of those flashbacks from back in the 1970s when I used to "hang out" in Yosemite Valley doing a bit of rock climbing. Sorry about that. This is a cycling blog and therefore is about cycling not some other wacko sport. I'm not suggesting rock climbing is wacko or those that participate have a couple of screws loose, but I have thought those thoughts when 3,000 feet up hanging onto a shaky flake by a couple of fingertips!
Enough of flashbacks! Let's hear about the first ever TERAD! I received reports from several of the cast of unusual characters with details. None more expletive, (uh, expressive) than the Left Lane himself. So, here's his version:
The first TERAD was a huge success. We had appx 15 riders or so including the usual kouc's/favorites of the peloton as follows: 4 Daves (Retro, Bad Mayo, Lawman, and TwinSix Murphy), Big Hoagie, Left Lane, Prentis, Johnny Bugno, Tim Crusher Fox, the CCC-Coolio, Happy Harlan, Nestordamus, Peter, as well as Brett and either 1 or 2 of the other Wheelman who rode around ½ the ride with us.
Weather was great with the skies clearing and the temperature going up to around 70-75 degrees. We rode our usual course heading down summit and then up 12th avenue. Sure enough as we passed PSC, there was a loud POP!! from behind me only a couple of miles into the first TERAD. Bad Mayo had punctured (we later found out he had been overinflating seeking any advantage he could get when Retro blurted out at the end of the ride that he was a little worried when Mayo asked him to put 135lbs into his tires as they started their ride from the Mayo Manor). If only the Bad Mayo would invest in his tires the way he invests in his other toys (boats, Excalades.....etc.!!). Luckily Truly Spoken was around 200 yards down the road and we dropped Mayo there to pick him up later after the boys at TS (Thanks to the Guys at Truly Spokin!!) put his machine back in running order.
We regrouped and headed to our first trek down Langley. The pace was fairly moderate compared to some of the hammerfests of prior years and the whole group pretty much stayed together through the Crit section and the remainder of the ride until we reached Maygarden. With many of the guys just getting back into shape after Winter layoffs and with me nursing a balky Knee this was a welcome relief.
Mayo rejoined the group around 9th Avenue and we headed up Langley for a second time. This time the pace picked up somewhat but not over 25mph. However as we turned onto Maygarden...."Who Let The Dogs Out!!", the moderate pace was replaced by the usual Maygarden Mayhem!! It was at this point that my account becomes second hand whereas my aching knee said "No Mas" and I latched on to Mayo's wheel and watched the peloton pull away.
Now, the way I understand it, the second time down Langley the pace quickened to mid 20s mph. The peloton, mostly together, makes the turn onto Spanish where the carnage begins. As the survivors make the turn onto Maygarden, Lance launches a vicious attack with Ivan Basso and the Vortex on his wheel. This puts big Jan Ullrich into difficulty! (Dadgummit, another one of those wretched flashbacks again. I've got to cut my steroids dosage in half. These flashbacks are getting more real and frequent every week. Let's see...from 12 pills a day down to 8 pills, surely that will fix it. Hmmm...wonder how many Coolio takes?)
Back to live action:
Retro gaps the group of three chasers, Crusher, Dave "Twin Six" Murphy and Peter Pied Piper by about 300 meters when Dave "Twin Six" Murphy reels him in with the help of Peter Pied Piper, (followed by 200 kids on tricycles). As they wind up the final sprint, Crusher gives up the ghost after doing the Big Bull Pull on his new Trek machine. (This one is equipped with the new 5,000 mile Bottom Bracket. Crusher has blown through all the 2,500 mile models. This is his third frame! Perhaps, Trek should just get out a hacksaw and cut out that fancy BB and install a big stainless steel model with six 1/2" by 3" machine bolts and call it good! Sure it would add about 18 pounds to Crusher's bike, but he wouldn't blow out any more of those fancy Bottom Brackets.)
Twin Six goes around Retro with 100 meters left in the first ever TERAD to claim the victory and the Grand Prize; a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts donated by the Crusty Climber's Foundation. The CCF's President and CEO, Master Coolio made the post ride presentation with a stirring speech regarding the benefits of mass donut consumption. The fans were going wild!
This TERAD wasn't without controversy though. Apparently, Retro cried foul as the Pied Piper had not held his line during the final 200 meters and therefore impeded the Retro's sprint to the line. There was rumors of Peter Pied Piper and Twin Six conspiring against Retro and the insults were flying until the instant replay, uh...replayed the whole last 200 meters. Pied Piper, in fact, didn't impede Retro's sprint but there was evidence of a few of his 200 kids on tricycles taking turns cutting off Retro's sprint. Therefore it appears we have a conspiracy. However, Twin Six shared his donuts with Retro and everyone went home happy...and full!
Results of the first ever TERAD: Twin Six gets the bragging rights for the week and Crusher is awarded the Big Pull Bull prize! "He's a BPBer baby!" I'm using my best Dick Vitale impersonation here in honor of March Madness!
Hey, if you missed this antic filled ride, don't fret yourself. (I did too!) There is another fun filled ride just around the corner. Tomorrow morning we're doing the infamous 3 Amigo Loop with a Twist. This group fave is about 45 miles with hills and thrills, (hopefully no spills) and fun for all. Come on out! For all the details check out the Rides Calendar at the bottom of this Blogazoidal. And I'll...
See you out on the road, (hope those flashbacks are over?!)
Bob
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