We had a nice size group on Saturday for some nasty hills on a seasonably warm morning. Most of the COUCs were out for the romp in Verticalville including the conspicuous Coolio and Crusher. These names should have some humorous meaning to many when the road starts to rise. For some background on the antics and the now infamous duel check out the blogification on Tuesday, 12.21.10 entitled, "The Three Amigos At It Again!" Well, suffice it to say, the fans were going wild in great anticipation as the bunch mounted up and headed for the hills. But, where was that Bad Mayonnaise?
The pace was civil as everyone cruised along the flats in double paceline formation on our way to the bottom of the first climb of the day and the site of the infamous matchup, La Petite Alpe Duez. We even had a couple of new faces along, two young Jedis named Brett and Dave. As the bunch neared the beast itself, the climbers were getting a bit twitching and ready to pounce. Just then, the big Clydesdale Vortex jumped out and was first on the Little Alpe. (He was also last off it! Hey man, did I mention he's a Clydesdale?!) About a quarter of the way up Crusher blows by him like he's late for lunch. He's out of the saddle stompin' on a huge gear hoping he doesn't see Coolio until after the line at the top. Well, he wasn't disappointed. Coolio was no where to be found on the climb. He must have made a wrong turn or got dropped on the flats or something.
Regardless, we never saw the little climber again the whole ride...and this was a hill route! Who does he think he is, the Bad Mayonnaise?! Man, yet another winter rider missing in action. Where is that Bad Mayonnaise anyway? Anybody seen him? We had some of his usual entourage on the ride, but no BM! And speaking of the other BM, where is the Big Motor? Cooler temps don't seem to affect him like some of the others. In fact, last ride he was on it was in the low 50s and he was riding in a short sleeve jersey. Beastly bodacious Brit!
Well, with no real antics on the hills, the boys turned their efforts to the preparation for the final sprint. This turned out to be one of the better ones in the last several weeks. The charge down Langley saw Ray Gun (who evidently had it set on stun), with the bit between the teeth. Although he had the hammer down, couldn't seem to break the elastic. It appeared he had read the book on Left Lane, who always appears game for a breakaway, solo or otherwise. However, today, the dogs were barking and would not allow the fox any room even though he cranked it into the high 20s mph. (Was that the Bad Mayonnaise on Langley behind that bush?)
As we turned onto Spanish Trail, Happy and Retro were setting a pace continuing to soften up the peloton aka Ray's Stun Gun. Once through the right hander and onto the Maygarden itself, things started to heat up a bit. Coming up through the first set of "S" curves Retro, who was second wheel, pulls over in an apparent move to head to the back. However, Left Lane would have none of it shifting over on his wheel and the rest followed suit. The Prenti accelerated up the right hand side with Happy grabbing his wheel. No sooner had the pace settled, then Happy pulls through and again Retro slides in behind. Ah, the plot thickens!
As the diminishing group comes around the curve and onto the straight with 1 kilometer to go, the pace slows a bit. Just then the Vortex launches one of his patented attacks. (He actually has a US patent on this move, cost him several thousand dollars to obtain it.) Although, he stomped on it, it was short lived. The big boy just isn't back to his pre-crash form yet. (I just hate this kind of stuff!) However, his patent was paying royalties and he is hoping to cash in later.
Retro was game and pulled the surviving few up to the Clydesdale just as they entered the last "S" curves. Now with 500 meters to go Nestordamus accelerates up to lead out speed. He pulls Retro up to the 200 meter line and launches the missile into orbit in classic style. Retro crosses the line uncontested with Nestordamus second.
Congrats to Dave "Retro" Henderson for the win and bragging rights for the week! Anybody seen that Bad Mayonnaise yet? Maybe he needs a new nickname. How about Waldo?
See you out on the road,
Bob
Where is The Bad Mayonaisse, you ask? I don’t know but it appears as if there is a Misinformation campaign underway of which the former Soviet Union or the German “Democratic” Rebpublic (East Germany) would be proud of. As the peloton rode off Saturday morning I asked BM’s regular wingman, Retro Dave, where the BM was. He replied that he was participating in the Double Bridge Run and I let it go. But the next morning as I was flipping through the local Mullet Wrapper (Pensacola News Journal), I saw a picture of a wheelchair competitor and it stated that he was the only wheelchair entrant in the entire race. Hmmmm??!! So if the BM was not there than Where Was He (Waldo)??!!. Probably off training at some high altitude site in the Tibetan Himalayas under the auspices of the Dali Llama. The plot thickens…Where is our Waldo??!!!
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