The Trial Of The Decade

The courtroom was full of a variable Who's Who in the local cycling community. There was literally standing room only in the warm stuffy chamber. This is, in fact, the trial of the decade. It rivals the infamous "Scopes" trial in...uh, scope and has all the celebrity of a Honey Boo Boo episode. Oh yeah, this is the big time.

The defendant, that Bad Mayonnaise, was present at the front of the courtroom with his two attorneys; Lawman assisted by the ever popular Jackie Childs. They appear ready for a tough fight with stacks of documentation, to defend their client, laid upon the table in front of the three warriors. The victim, The Code, was resting atop his table across the room as if not bothered in the slightest by the new found notoriety. Before this trial, The Code was completely unspoken except in the quiet expressions of casual post ride stories.

A hush falls over the courtroom as the Jury arrives, one by one they file in through the door opposite the bench at the front. Several familiar, although expressionless faces in the Jury. The foreman is the last to be seated and is met with moans from those in support of the defendant. It's because the Jury foreman is none other than the nefarious Left Lane. My eyes wander through the sea of anxious faces until my gaze falls upon the Executioner standing in the front right corner across from the juror's box. It is none other than The Crusher gently swinging a four foot long section of bicycle chain with a ten speed cassette welded to one end. He has a wry smile upon his face. Alongside the Bench is Nestordamus the court reporter. It appears he's writing down a prediction. Next to the Bench is the bailiff, Chris Huffin Puffin breathing as though he just finished a century. Suddenly he barks out, "All rise!"

In struts Judge Vortex attired in full legal robe with burgundy velvet trim and decked out with a white, long wavy haired wig upon his head. His cycling shoes protruding.  He is seated upon the bench as the bailiff cries, "Be seated." With a rap of his gavel he begins most sober instructions, first to the Jury, then directed to the legal counsel...especially Mr. Childs. No sooner than he has finished, then he asks The Code for a list of the charges against the defendant. The Code, of course being unspoken, says nothing. The Code is silent, resting only upon a rider' conscience. The quiet was deafening. Judge Vortex looks upward with one index finger tapping slowly upon his chin. Slowly, ever so slowly. The entire courtroom look upward as well, as if to say, "What's he looking at?" Among the dim lights are only two paddle fans turning slowly. Slowly, ever so slowly.

He then nods to the defendant's attorney, "Proceed."  What seemed to be hours was, in fact, less than 45 minutes. Several character (COUCs) witnesses testified as to the integrity of the Bad Mayo. Evidence was presented that gave the appearance the defendant was robbed of his "special" Annual Pass and the monies held within his cycling pack that fateful Friday. All the while, The Code sat quietly, never objecting to any testimony. The Code, you see, is unspoken. Finally, the Bad Mayo himself, was called to the stand. After being administered the oath, he made his heartfelt, plea to the Jury...

"Alright now! Come on fellas. I mean gohlee...it was just a big misunderstanding. I love the Code. I named my dog Code. In fact, let's just call this what it is, a Kangaroo Court, and get outta here. Whaddaya say fellas, let's go for a ride?!" And with that the gavel in the hand Judge Vortex came crashing down upon the bench. Pointing his fractured gavel at the casually lighthearted Mayo, he began to admonish his use of terms in referring to the Court, when suddenly Lawman jumps to his feet and declares, "The defense rests it's case your Honor." With that, the Judge slowly turned to the Jury and expressed that they were excused for deliberation.

Now we wait...