The Verdict Is In!

There we were, not wanting to miss any detail in this twisted case that has rocked the cycling community, standing in the lobby outside the courtroom. The courtroom now silent, except for the snores of Judge Vortex, who with feet upon the bench was taking a nap. Several groups gathered around discussing what they thought would be the verdict returned. Jackie Childs was standing towards the front doors with his most recent acquisition, a Swedish model named Helga. Both were posing for the ever present Paparazzi. The faint smell of coffee wafted through the heavy, thick air. I sipped mine slowly, ever so slowly. Glancing around the room, my eyes feel upon Coolio who had a box of Krispy Kremes. I made my way over to him.

"Where did you get those?", I asked with a smile. Through his chewing he explained that there was a table set up out front of the Courthouse. There was a handwritten sign hanging from the front of the table, it read;  "Bad Mayonnaise Legal Defense Fund". We both laughed. Then I asked him for a glazed. He replied, "I don't have one to spare. But they're selling them out front." I nodded and made my way over to the Mayo's entourage intending on asking him what was with the table out front. Just then, the doors to the courtroom swung open. It was Bailiff Huffin Puffin, (and he was). He cries out, "Jury has reached a verdict!"

There was much pushing and shoving as we made our way back into the courtroom and to the closest vacant seats. Judge Vortex, sporting a new gavel, seemed a bit drowsy but in good spirits. Once all were seated, the room fell silent as the Jury filed in slowly, ever so...well, you get the idea. Once again, the last one in was the Jury Foreman, that devious Left Lane who seemed to have an extra amount of swagger in his step. The Bad Mayo and his legal counsel sat at their table. The defendant smiled at several among the Jury of his peeps, I mean peers. He then leans over to Mr. Childs and whispers, "Don't worry, we got this one in the bag. I cut a deal."

Mr. Childs replies in a loud whisper, "Who cut a deal? You cut a deal? Who told you to cut a deal? I didn't tell you to cut a deal! Why did you cut a deal? What deal? Oh no, not again!"

Just then the gavel smacks upon it's base and His Honorable Vortexinest asks, "Jury, have you reached a verdict?" The Left Lane takes a long swig of his lukewarm Guinness Stout, (apparently no refrigerator in the Deliberation Room), and comes to his feet. "We have your Honor!" The Judge turns his gaze upon the defendant who was grinning from ear to ear looking like a Cheshire Cat. The Lawman appeared concerned. Jackie had his head in his hands.Turning back to the Jury Foreman, the Judge barks, "What say you?"

Fumbling for his glasses and clearing his throat, the Left Lane appeared to be stalling. Once the spectacles were mounted upon his beak, he began to read the verdict with a most serious tone, yet with a hint of delight.
Because of the gravity of the charges, here is exactly what was read by the Jury Foreman:

"Guilty as Charged!!!  I was there, I seen it, I heard it .....SHOCKING!!!!" 

Someone in the back yelled, "Light the burners!"  This was followed by a huge gasp from the Mayo entourage. Judge Vortex rapped his gavel twice. "Order! Order in this courtroom!"

Then turning to the Foreman he said, "Proceed." Left Lane, once again clears his throat and glances at the Bad Mayo.

"On the matter of the charges...."

"Code 1) The Route is the Route... This axiom of the code prognosticated by none other than the rider known as  Johnny Bugno otherwise known as Johnny Bugno has rarely been so blatantly flaunted... with the route subject to change usually only by ominous weather conditions along the originally scheduled route ....obviously on such a beautiful morning such conditions were not at issue....GUILTY!!"

Another heckler cries, "To the gallows!" The gavel smacks down accompanied by a stern look from the Judge. "Order! Continue Foreman."

Code 7) Being Self Sufficient.....Not even worth discussing "See if my pass is in my pack...NOT??....Well than get some cash out of my pack.....NOT!!!  If not for the magnanimity of the Danimal The Bad Mayo would have been sent packing back to P'Cola.....GUILTY!!

"Hang him high!" comes from yet another rascal. "One more outcry", explains Judge Vortex, "and the offender will be held in Contempt of this Court!" Glancing back at Left Lane, he says, "Continue."

"Code 8) No Whining .....Now we have always thought of David as a Challenging Athlete not a Challenged Athlete!!!...This guy does more stuff than we would even think of trying....To hear him try to use the Poor Disabled Me on the Park Ranger was ...we think a break of the Code against Whining......GUILTY!!"

"We find not other charges that are applicable at this time ....but maybe we should bring up previous Code violations of Code 9) Keep your machine repaired....I guess that may be piling on though!!"

"May I recommend a sentence your Honor?", asks the Foreman. "Why not?!", replies Judge Vortex.

"Proposed Sentence:  I guess we can't Flog the BM like in a Pirate Movie therefore I propose Tether no less than 3 Clydesdales to the Mayo Cycle at the approaches of the Bob Sikes or Barrancas Bridge with the Bad Mayo to Pull to The Top....This will reinstate BM to All Rights And Privileges of the Peloton (ARRAP)."

The courtroom is a strange mix of silent shock and quiet jubilation. I noticed that Crusher, the Executioner has turned the bike chain into a sort of hoola hoop and was doing what appeared to be a happy dance. He definitely had his Happy on! The Court Reporter, Nestordamus was shredding papers and the Bailiff seemed out of breath.  The defendant's expression had turned from a confident smile to one of disbelief and dismay. It was all quite the scene.

The Judge, turning to the Jury, thanks them for their service in this, a most difficult case. He explains that before he retires them, that he has but one final question. Tapping his gavel twice, he demands quiet in the courtroom. Then comes the final question. "Seeing as how this is a criminal trial, the Jury must be unanimous in it's decision. Mr. Foreman, were you the Jury unanimous in the verdict of Guilty?" Left Lane once again rises to his feet, although this time much slower. He pauses, then swallows. Shaking his head slowly, ever so slowly, he quietly answers, "No, your Honor, we are not unanimous." A corporate "Whoof!" resounds throughout the courtroom. Everyone is in shock!

Judge Vortex peers across at the Bad Mayo with a glare as if to say, "You cut a deal, didn't you?!" But, instead he breaks into a smile and declares, This case is dismissed! Mr. Mayo you are free to go!"

And with that, Kool and the Gang started playing their hit, "Celebrate Good Times". Mayo and his entourage were dancing in the front of the Courtroom. Jackie and Helga were doing the Macarena. Several of the Jury jumped the rail and congratulated the Bad Mayo. He appeared to be handing them small white envelopes. He gave Left Lane a dozen bananas and a box of Fig Newtons. Josh "Danger" Sharpe, himself a member of the Jury was wagging his head exclaiming, "I can't believe that guy!"

The Judge, stripped off his robe and wig revealing a full cycling kit underneath. He yells, "Let's go for a ride!" All follow out to join the celebration in the streets and mount the machines for what became Mayo's Victory Parade. The fans were going wild! Although, back in the courtroom the Code sat silent. You see, the Code is unspoken. It rests only upon the rider's conscience. Perhaps therein lies the only flaw with the Code.

See you out on the road,
Bob