The weather forecast for this Saturday's Lillian Loop looks almost perfect. Temps at start time hovering around 60 and rising to almost 70 by the time we're heading back into town! Plenty of sunshine as well! This is one of our group's all time favorite routes. The roads in Baldwin County are great bike riding roads. And after this week's stressful Trial Of The Decade, I would guess more than one rider in the peloton is ready for a bit of stress burning physical exercise. So, let's go for a ride!
Here's the details just in case you don't want to scroll down to the Rides Calendar:
When: Saturday at 8am
Where: Fish and Wildlife
What: Lillian Loop
Why: Because it's there
How: On your machine
Are you sure: Oh yeah baby...unless someone wants to change the route!
See you then and as always, I'll...
See you out on the road,
Bob
Friday, November 30, 2012
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
The Verdict Is In!
There we were, not wanting to miss any detail in this twisted case that has rocked the cycling community, standing in the lobby outside the courtroom. The courtroom now silent, except for the snores of Judge Vortex, who with feet upon the bench was taking a nap. Several groups gathered around discussing what they thought would be the verdict returned. Jackie Childs was standing towards the front doors with his most recent acquisition, a Swedish model named Helga. Both were posing for the ever present Paparazzi. The faint smell of coffee wafted through the heavy, thick air. I sipped mine slowly, ever so slowly. Glancing around the room, my eyes feel upon Coolio who had a box of Krispy Kremes. I made my way over to him.
"Where did you get those?", I asked with a smile. Through his chewing he explained that there was a table set up out front of the Courthouse. There was a handwritten sign hanging from the front of the table, it read; "Bad Mayonnaise Legal Defense Fund". We both laughed. Then I asked him for a glazed. He replied, "I don't have one to spare. But they're selling them out front." I nodded and made my way over to the Mayo's entourage intending on asking him what was with the table out front. Just then, the doors to the courtroom swung open. It was Bailiff Huffin Puffin, (and he was). He cries out, "Jury has reached a verdict!"
There was much pushing and shoving as we made our way back into the courtroom and to the closest vacant seats. Judge Vortex, sporting a new gavel, seemed a bit drowsy but in good spirits. Once all were seated, the room fell silent as the Jury filed in slowly, ever so...well, you get the idea. Once again, the last one in was the Jury Foreman, that devious Left Lane who seemed to have an extra amount of swagger in his step. The Bad Mayo and his legal counsel sat at their table. The defendant smiled at several among the Jury of his peeps, I mean peers. He then leans over to Mr. Childs and whispers, "Don't worry, we got this one in the bag. I cut a deal."
Mr. Childs replies in a loud whisper, "Who cut a deal? You cut a deal? Who told you to cut a deal? I didn't tell you to cut a deal! Why did you cut a deal? What deal? Oh no, not again!"
Just then the gavel smacks upon it's base and His Honorable Vortexinest asks, "Jury, have you reached a verdict?" The Left Lane takes a long swig of his lukewarm Guinness Stout, (apparently no refrigerator in the Deliberation Room), and comes to his feet. "We have your Honor!" The Judge turns his gaze upon the defendant who was grinning from ear to ear looking like a Cheshire Cat. The Lawman appeared concerned. Jackie had his head in his hands.Turning back to the Jury Foreman, the Judge barks, "What say you?"
Fumbling for his glasses and clearing his throat, the Left Lane appeared to be stalling. Once the spectacles were mounted upon his beak, he began to read the verdict with a most serious tone, yet with a hint of delight.
Because of the gravity of the charges, here is exactly what was read by the Jury Foreman:
The Judge, turning to the Jury, thanks them for their service in this, a most difficult case. He explains that before he retires them, that he has but one final question. Tapping his gavel twice, he demands quiet in the courtroom. Then comes the final question. "Seeing as how this is a criminal trial, the Jury must be unanimous in it's decision. Mr. Foreman, were you the Jury unanimous in the verdict of Guilty?" Left Lane once again rises to his feet, although this time much slower. He pauses, then swallows. Shaking his head slowly, ever so slowly, he quietly answers, "No, your Honor, we are not unanimous." A corporate "Whoof!" resounds throughout the courtroom. Everyone is in shock!
Judge Vortex peers across at the Bad Mayo with a glare as if to say, "You cut a deal, didn't you?!" But, instead he breaks into a smile and declares, This case is dismissed! Mr. Mayo you are free to go!"
And with that, Kool and the Gang started playing their hit, "Celebrate Good Times". Mayo and his entourage were dancing in the front of the Courtroom. Jackie and Helga were doing the Macarena. Several of the Jury jumped the rail and congratulated the Bad Mayo. He appeared to be handing them small white envelopes. He gave Left Lane a dozen bananas and a box of Fig Newtons. Josh "Danger" Sharpe, himself a member of the Jury was wagging his head exclaiming, "I can't believe that guy!"
The Judge, stripped off his robe and wig revealing a full cycling kit underneath. He yells, "Let's go for a ride!" All follow out to join the celebration in the streets and mount the machines for what became Mayo's Victory Parade. The fans were going wild! Although, back in the courtroom the Code sat silent. You see, the Code is unspoken. It rests only upon the rider's conscience. Perhaps therein lies the only flaw with the Code.
See you out on the road,
Bob
"Where did you get those?", I asked with a smile. Through his chewing he explained that there was a table set up out front of the Courthouse. There was a handwritten sign hanging from the front of the table, it read; "Bad Mayonnaise Legal Defense Fund". We both laughed. Then I asked him for a glazed. He replied, "I don't have one to spare. But they're selling them out front." I nodded and made my way over to the Mayo's entourage intending on asking him what was with the table out front. Just then, the doors to the courtroom swung open. It was Bailiff Huffin Puffin, (and he was). He cries out, "Jury has reached a verdict!"
There was much pushing and shoving as we made our way back into the courtroom and to the closest vacant seats. Judge Vortex, sporting a new gavel, seemed a bit drowsy but in good spirits. Once all were seated, the room fell silent as the Jury filed in slowly, ever so...well, you get the idea. Once again, the last one in was the Jury Foreman, that devious Left Lane who seemed to have an extra amount of swagger in his step. The Bad Mayo and his legal counsel sat at their table. The defendant smiled at several among the Jury of his peeps, I mean peers. He then leans over to Mr. Childs and whispers, "Don't worry, we got this one in the bag. I cut a deal."
Mr. Childs replies in a loud whisper, "Who cut a deal? You cut a deal? Who told you to cut a deal? I didn't tell you to cut a deal! Why did you cut a deal? What deal? Oh no, not again!"
Just then the gavel smacks upon it's base and His Honorable Vortexinest asks, "Jury, have you reached a verdict?" The Left Lane takes a long swig of his lukewarm Guinness Stout, (apparently no refrigerator in the Deliberation Room), and comes to his feet. "We have your Honor!" The Judge turns his gaze upon the defendant who was grinning from ear to ear looking like a Cheshire Cat. The Lawman appeared concerned. Jackie had his head in his hands.Turning back to the Jury Foreman, the Judge barks, "What say you?"
Fumbling for his glasses and clearing his throat, the Left Lane appeared to be stalling. Once the spectacles were mounted upon his beak, he began to read the verdict with a most serious tone, yet with a hint of delight.
Because of the gravity of the charges, here is exactly what was read by the Jury Foreman:
"Guilty as Charged!!!
I was there, I seen it, I heard it .....SHOCKING!!!!"
Someone in the back yelled, "Light the burners!" This was followed by a huge gasp from the Mayo entourage. Judge Vortex rapped his gavel twice. "Order! Order in this courtroom!"
Then turning to the Foreman he said, "Proceed." Left Lane, once again clears his throat and glances at the Bad Mayo.
"On the matter of the charges...."
"Code 1) The Route is the Route... This axiom of the code
prognosticated by none other than the rider known as Johnny Bugno otherwise known as Johnny Bugno
has rarely been so blatantly flaunted... with the route subject to change
usually only by ominous weather conditions along the originally scheduled route
....obviously on such a beautiful morning such conditions were not at
issue....GUILTY!!"
Another heckler cries, "To the gallows!" The gavel smacks down accompanied by a stern look from the Judge. "Order! Continue Foreman."
Code 7) Being Self Sufficient.....Not even worth
discussing "See if my pass is in my pack...NOT??....Well than get some cash
out of my pack.....NOT!!! If not for the
magnanimity of the Danimal The Bad Mayo would have been sent packing back to
P'Cola.....GUILTY!!
"Hang him high!" comes from yet another rascal. "One more outcry", explains Judge Vortex, "and the offender will be held in Contempt of this Court!" Glancing back at Left Lane, he says, "Continue."
"Code 8) No Whining .....Now we have always thought of
David as a Challenging Athlete not a Challenged Athlete!!!...This guy does more
stuff than we would even think of trying....To hear him try to use the Poor
Disabled Me on the Park Ranger was ...we think a break of the Code against
Whining......GUILTY!!"
"We find not other charges that are applicable at this time
....but maybe we should bring up previous Code violations of Code 9) Keep your
machine repaired....I guess that may be piling on though!!"
"May I recommend a sentence your Honor?", asks the Foreman. "Why not?!", replies Judge Vortex.
"Proposed Sentence:
I guess we can't Flog the BM like in a Pirate Movie therefore I propose
Tether no less than 3 Clydesdales to the Mayo Cycle at the approaches of the
Bob Sikes or Barrancas Bridge with the Bad Mayo to Pull to The Top....This will
reinstate BM to All Rights And Privileges of the Peloton (ARRAP)."
The courtroom is a strange mix of silent shock and quiet jubilation. I noticed that Crusher, the Executioner has turned the bike chain into a sort of hoola hoop and was doing what appeared to be a happy dance. He definitely had his Happy on! The Court Reporter, Nestordamus was shredding papers and the Bailiff seemed out of breath. The defendant's expression had turned from a confident smile to one of disbelief and dismay. It was all quite the scene.
The Judge, turning to the Jury, thanks them for their service in this, a most difficult case. He explains that before he retires them, that he has but one final question. Tapping his gavel twice, he demands quiet in the courtroom. Then comes the final question. "Seeing as how this is a criminal trial, the Jury must be unanimous in it's decision. Mr. Foreman, were you the Jury unanimous in the verdict of Guilty?" Left Lane once again rises to his feet, although this time much slower. He pauses, then swallows. Shaking his head slowly, ever so slowly, he quietly answers, "No, your Honor, we are not unanimous." A corporate "Whoof!" resounds throughout the courtroom. Everyone is in shock!
Judge Vortex peers across at the Bad Mayo with a glare as if to say, "You cut a deal, didn't you?!" But, instead he breaks into a smile and declares, This case is dismissed! Mr. Mayo you are free to go!"
And with that, Kool and the Gang started playing their hit, "Celebrate Good Times". Mayo and his entourage were dancing in the front of the Courtroom. Jackie and Helga were doing the Macarena. Several of the Jury jumped the rail and congratulated the Bad Mayo. He appeared to be handing them small white envelopes. He gave Left Lane a dozen bananas and a box of Fig Newtons. Josh "Danger" Sharpe, himself a member of the Jury was wagging his head exclaiming, "I can't believe that guy!"
The Judge, stripped off his robe and wig revealing a full cycling kit underneath. He yells, "Let's go for a ride!" All follow out to join the celebration in the streets and mount the machines for what became Mayo's Victory Parade. The fans were going wild! Although, back in the courtroom the Code sat silent. You see, the Code is unspoken. It rests only upon the rider's conscience. Perhaps therein lies the only flaw with the Code.
See you out on the road,
Bob
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
The Trial Of The Decade
The courtroom was full of a variable Who's Who in the local cycling community. There was literally standing room only in the warm stuffy chamber. This is, in fact, the trial of the decade. It rivals the infamous "Scopes" trial in...uh, scope and has all the celebrity of a Honey Boo Boo episode. Oh yeah, this is the big time.
The defendant, that Bad Mayonnaise, was present at the front of the courtroom with his two attorneys; Lawman assisted by the ever popular Jackie Childs. They appear ready for a tough fight with stacks of documentation, to defend their client, laid upon the table in front of the three warriors. The victim, The Code, was resting atop his table across the room as if not bothered in the slightest by the new found notoriety. Before this trial, The Code was completely unspoken except in the quiet expressions of casual post ride stories.
A hush falls over the courtroom as the Jury arrives, one by one they file in through the door opposite the bench at the front. Several familiar, although expressionless faces in the Jury. The foreman is the last to be seated and is met with moans from those in support of the defendant. It's because the Jury foreman is none other than the nefarious Left Lane. My eyes wander through the sea of anxious faces until my gaze falls upon the Executioner standing in the front right corner across from the juror's box. It is none other than The Crusher gently swinging a four foot long section of bicycle chain with a ten speed cassette welded to one end. He has a wry smile upon his face. Alongside the Bench is Nestordamus the court reporter. It appears he's writing down a prediction. Next to the Bench is the bailiff, Chris Huffin Puffin breathing as though he just finished a century. Suddenly he barks out, "All rise!"
In struts Judge Vortex attired in full legal robe with burgundy velvet trim and decked out with a white, long wavy haired wig upon his head. His cycling shoes protruding. He is seated upon the bench as the bailiff cries, "Be seated." With a rap of his gavel he begins most sober instructions, first to the Jury, then directed to the legal counsel...especially Mr. Childs. No sooner than he has finished, then he asks The Code for a list of the charges against the defendant. The Code, of course being unspoken, says nothing. The Code is silent, resting only upon a rider' conscience. The quiet was deafening. Judge Vortex looks upward with one index finger tapping slowly upon his chin. Slowly, ever so slowly. The entire courtroom look upward as well, as if to say, "What's he looking at?" Among the dim lights are only two paddle fans turning slowly. Slowly, ever so slowly.
He then nods to the defendant's attorney, "Proceed." What seemed to be hours was, in fact, less than 45 minutes. Several character (COUCs) witnesses testified as to the integrity of the Bad Mayo. Evidence was presented that gave the appearance the defendant was robbed of his "special" Annual Pass and the monies held within his cycling pack that fateful Friday. All the while, The Code sat quietly, never objecting to any testimony. The Code, you see, is unspoken. Finally, the Bad Mayo himself, was called to the stand. After being administered the oath, he made his heartfelt, plea to the Jury...
"Alright now! Come on fellas. I mean gohlee...it was just a big misunderstanding. I love the Code. I named my dog Code. In fact, let's just call this what it is, a Kangaroo Court, and get outta here. Whaddaya say fellas, let's go for a ride?!" And with that the gavel in the hand Judge Vortex came crashing down upon the bench. Pointing his fractured gavel at the casually lighthearted Mayo, he began to admonish his use of terms in referring to the Court, when suddenly Lawman jumps to his feet and declares, "The defense rests it's case your Honor." With that, the Judge slowly turned to the Jury and expressed that they were excused for deliberation.
Now we wait...
The defendant, that Bad Mayonnaise, was present at the front of the courtroom with his two attorneys; Lawman assisted by the ever popular Jackie Childs. They appear ready for a tough fight with stacks of documentation, to defend their client, laid upon the table in front of the three warriors. The victim, The Code, was resting atop his table across the room as if not bothered in the slightest by the new found notoriety. Before this trial, The Code was completely unspoken except in the quiet expressions of casual post ride stories.
A hush falls over the courtroom as the Jury arrives, one by one they file in through the door opposite the bench at the front. Several familiar, although expressionless faces in the Jury. The foreman is the last to be seated and is met with moans from those in support of the defendant. It's because the Jury foreman is none other than the nefarious Left Lane. My eyes wander through the sea of anxious faces until my gaze falls upon the Executioner standing in the front right corner across from the juror's box. It is none other than The Crusher gently swinging a four foot long section of bicycle chain with a ten speed cassette welded to one end. He has a wry smile upon his face. Alongside the Bench is Nestordamus the court reporter. It appears he's writing down a prediction. Next to the Bench is the bailiff, Chris Huffin Puffin breathing as though he just finished a century. Suddenly he barks out, "All rise!"
In struts Judge Vortex attired in full legal robe with burgundy velvet trim and decked out with a white, long wavy haired wig upon his head. His cycling shoes protruding. He is seated upon the bench as the bailiff cries, "Be seated." With a rap of his gavel he begins most sober instructions, first to the Jury, then directed to the legal counsel...especially Mr. Childs. No sooner than he has finished, then he asks The Code for a list of the charges against the defendant. The Code, of course being unspoken, says nothing. The Code is silent, resting only upon a rider' conscience. The quiet was deafening. Judge Vortex looks upward with one index finger tapping slowly upon his chin. Slowly, ever so slowly. The entire courtroom look upward as well, as if to say, "What's he looking at?" Among the dim lights are only two paddle fans turning slowly. Slowly, ever so slowly.
He then nods to the defendant's attorney, "Proceed." What seemed to be hours was, in fact, less than 45 minutes. Several character (COUCs) witnesses testified as to the integrity of the Bad Mayo. Evidence was presented that gave the appearance the defendant was robbed of his "special" Annual Pass and the monies held within his cycling pack that fateful Friday. All the while, The Code sat quietly, never objecting to any testimony. The Code, you see, is unspoken. Finally, the Bad Mayo himself, was called to the stand. After being administered the oath, he made his heartfelt, plea to the Jury...
"Alright now! Come on fellas. I mean gohlee...it was just a big misunderstanding. I love the Code. I named my dog Code. In fact, let's just call this what it is, a Kangaroo Court, and get outta here. Whaddaya say fellas, let's go for a ride?!" And with that the gavel in the hand Judge Vortex came crashing down upon the bench. Pointing his fractured gavel at the casually lighthearted Mayo, he began to admonish his use of terms in referring to the Court, when suddenly Lawman jumps to his feet and declares, "The defense rests it's case your Honor." With that, the Judge slowly turned to the Jury and expressed that they were excused for deliberation.
Now we wait...
Monday, November 26, 2012
Did Mayo Violate The Code?
Well, well, well, isn't this a fine kettle of fish?! No sooner has the peloton enjoyed a few days of perhaps the most excellent riding in months, then someone has to come along and violate the Code. Yes, and do such an heinous act in such an insidious way. It would lead one to think that there must be some twisted, warped agenda lying deep within the criminal mind of the culprit...I mean suspect. (In this country we are innocent until proven guilty.) Although, intent is 9/10 of a criminal act. Without intent it is difficult to prove that the act was actually criminal. Anyone observe any intent Friday morning?
Let's review the facts, shall we?
A. The Bad Mayo shows up to the ride 3 minutes early. This was, in fact, the first time he ever showed up early to anything...or at least any ride.
B. Within seconds of his arrival, the Bad Mayo begins to lobby the others for a change in the stated route (Pine Forest) for a new choice (Fort Pickens) for the day. (Note that he did not wait until the other leaders arrived to begin his coercion.) It is suspected that the knowledge of being the most popular topic on the Blogazoidal in recent history, (a record 137 hits in one day.), may have emboldened him to test drive his new found level of popularity. If true, it would determine he had a motive.
C. Upon the arrival of the other leaders to the start area, he quickly announces that everyone present had agreed to a different route. This was met by no small amount of suspicion by the other leaders, as the decision had already been determined before their arrival. They were, in fact, "Disinclined to acquiesce to his request." (It means, they really didn't care about the route, rather it was the way in which the change was processed.)
D. The Bad Mayo seals the deal by declaring that he has a "special" Annual Pass to get through the gate at Fort Pickens for himself and several other riders. (This is a crucial piece of evidence in determining his intent.)
E. Once at the entrance gate to the Park, he mysteriously is devoid of his Annual Pass. Nor does he possess the money to gain others entrance or even himself through the gate.
This, my fellow riders, are the facts and is the case against the Bad Mayonnaise. Has he violated the Code? Has he gone one step too far in his presuming upon the good nature of the corporate peloton? Could this spell an end to the man we have all come to know and love as the Bad Mayo? You, the jury must decide!
You may ask, "What is this Code that he has violated?" If you have to ask, you are not among those considered inside the peloton. Among whom are the COUCs, the Clydesdales, Sultans of Speed, Young Jedis, Hammerheads and the like. These know full well what constitutes an encroachment of the Code. However, for those of you reading this from distant lands, the Code is more of a set of guidelines than an actual code. (Ever seen Pirates of the Caribbean? Kind of like that except with bicycles, not swords.) Nonetheless, those who break them are severely censored. The Code is unspoken, yet quite obvious to all who witness it's infringement. Even the culprit, knows exactly what he did wrong however powerless he may be to stop his errant action. Such may be the case of the Bad Mayo. Regardless, the penalties, if convicted by the Jury, are very stiff and with lasting consequences.
For those of you who know what to do and don't do it, there is a breach of the Code.
Let's review The Code for the sake of the Jury;
The 13 Decrees Of The Code:
1. The route is the route.
2. If you don't know where you are going, stay out of the lead.
3. When in the lead, pull for the sake of others, not yourself.
4. If you're not the lead dog, the view never changes.
5. Pass on the left, hammer on the right.
6. If you can't back it up, don't suggest it.
7. Be self sufficient.
8. No whining.
9. Keep your machine repaired.
10. Go to the back for "snot rockets" and other relieving of pressure.
11. The Hammock Sprint beats a Fried Twinkie and the TERAD trumps all.
12. A Little Debbie beats a Fig Newton and a Krispy Kreme trumps all.
13. No juice, no matter how small the little white pill.
Now, you the Jury must decide from the facts, and the facts alone, if the Bad Mayo has violated any of the 13 Decrees of the Code. Although, remember; "He who is without trespass, cast the first stone." This should probably be the 14th Decree. Did I mention the Code is kind of, shall we say...fluid?! What may be a violation today, may be encouraged as acceptable tomorrow. Example: Decree 2 "If you don't know where you are going, stay out of the lead." A violation of this important axiom will be met with much sneering within the peloton. However, a violation may well be overlooked, if the peloton would just as soon rid itself of the violator and therefore will not mention a word of consternation at the next turn in the route. Thus solving the problem of the violator and the violation all in one non-action. O yeah baby, we're fluid!
Please post all your responses in terms of "Guilty" or "Not Guilty" to rjgravesjr@cox.net I will post the verdict as soon as the Jury returns. Until then, I'll...
See you out on the road,
Bob
Let's review the facts, shall we?
A. The Bad Mayo shows up to the ride 3 minutes early. This was, in fact, the first time he ever showed up early to anything...or at least any ride.
B. Within seconds of his arrival, the Bad Mayo begins to lobby the others for a change in the stated route (Pine Forest) for a new choice (Fort Pickens) for the day. (Note that he did not wait until the other leaders arrived to begin his coercion.) It is suspected that the knowledge of being the most popular topic on the Blogazoidal in recent history, (a record 137 hits in one day.), may have emboldened him to test drive his new found level of popularity. If true, it would determine he had a motive.
C. Upon the arrival of the other leaders to the start area, he quickly announces that everyone present had agreed to a different route. This was met by no small amount of suspicion by the other leaders, as the decision had already been determined before their arrival. They were, in fact, "Disinclined to acquiesce to his request." (It means, they really didn't care about the route, rather it was the way in which the change was processed.)
D. The Bad Mayo seals the deal by declaring that he has a "special" Annual Pass to get through the gate at Fort Pickens for himself and several other riders. (This is a crucial piece of evidence in determining his intent.)
E. Once at the entrance gate to the Park, he mysteriously is devoid of his Annual Pass. Nor does he possess the money to gain others entrance or even himself through the gate.
This, my fellow riders, are the facts and is the case against the Bad Mayonnaise. Has he violated the Code? Has he gone one step too far in his presuming upon the good nature of the corporate peloton? Could this spell an end to the man we have all come to know and love as the Bad Mayo? You, the jury must decide!
You may ask, "What is this Code that he has violated?" If you have to ask, you are not among those considered inside the peloton. Among whom are the COUCs, the Clydesdales, Sultans of Speed, Young Jedis, Hammerheads and the like. These know full well what constitutes an encroachment of the Code. However, for those of you reading this from distant lands, the Code is more of a set of guidelines than an actual code. (Ever seen Pirates of the Caribbean? Kind of like that except with bicycles, not swords.) Nonetheless, those who break them are severely censored. The Code is unspoken, yet quite obvious to all who witness it's infringement. Even the culprit, knows exactly what he did wrong however powerless he may be to stop his errant action. Such may be the case of the Bad Mayo. Regardless, the penalties, if convicted by the Jury, are very stiff and with lasting consequences.
For those of you who know what to do and don't do it, there is a breach of the Code.
Let's review The Code for the sake of the Jury;
The 13 Decrees Of The Code:
1. The route is the route.
2. If you don't know where you are going, stay out of the lead.
3. When in the lead, pull for the sake of others, not yourself.
4. If you're not the lead dog, the view never changes.
5. Pass on the left, hammer on the right.
6. If you can't back it up, don't suggest it.
7. Be self sufficient.
8. No whining.
9. Keep your machine repaired.
10. Go to the back for "snot rockets" and other relieving of pressure.
11. The Hammock Sprint beats a Fried Twinkie and the TERAD trumps all.
12. A Little Debbie beats a Fig Newton and a Krispy Kreme trumps all.
13. No juice, no matter how small the little white pill.
Now, you the Jury must decide from the facts, and the facts alone, if the Bad Mayo has violated any of the 13 Decrees of the Code. Although, remember; "He who is without trespass, cast the first stone." This should probably be the 14th Decree. Did I mention the Code is kind of, shall we say...fluid?! What may be a violation today, may be encouraged as acceptable tomorrow. Example: Decree 2 "If you don't know where you are going, stay out of the lead." A violation of this important axiom will be met with much sneering within the peloton. However, a violation may well be overlooked, if the peloton would just as soon rid itself of the violator and therefore will not mention a word of consternation at the next turn in the route. Thus solving the problem of the violator and the violation all in one non-action. O yeah baby, we're fluid!
Please post all your responses in terms of "Guilty" or "Not Guilty" to rjgravesjr@cox.net I will post the verdict as soon as the Jury returns. Until then, I'll...
See you out on the road,
Bob
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
That Was Sick!
After almost a full week of illness, I decided to head out yesterday for an easy spin up to the Post Office to send out some mail. It was the warmest part of the day and that full sun sure felt good! After more than a week off the machine, I was really anxious to see how the old body would do. I am delighted to report that I made the whole distance (12 miles) at a blazing pace! (11.1mph average...including the 28mph downhill on 12th Avenue). The beastly ride was so brutal that I spent the next 2 hours on the sofa in my family room coughing and hacking while watching reruns of the Brady Bunch. Talk about sick!
Well, I'm feeling a bit better today, but still not back to 100%. This has been some nasty flu! However, I am really looking forward to getting in a few miles this week with the COUCs. Did I mention EASY miles?! (I'm using the word "easy" here to describe the pace that I am looking forward to while riding with the Cast Of Unusual Characters. That was my best impersonation of Melvin Udaul.) And what a schedule of rides we have scheduled on the schedule of rides scheduled...or something like that.
Here is your 2012 Thanksgiving Holiday Riding Schedule:
1. Wednesday at 8am at Maygarden and Summit. 30 miles at a moderate pace. This is Crusher's pre-feast no guilt ride.
2. Thanksgiving Day at 8am at Maygarden and Summit for this 20 to 25 mile Starbucks ride. This annual parade pace is the social event of the Holiday Ride Schedule. Come on out and bring your spouse or significant other! (uh...just not both.)
3. Friday at 8am leaving from the Fish and Wildlife launch pad. This will keep us far away from the Black Friday madness in the shopping areas.
4. Saturday will see the peloton back at Maygarden and Summit at 8am for one of our usual loops.
5. Sunday at 3pm for the Mayo Cruiser Loop leaving from East Hill's favorite park; Bayview.
Come on out and burn off those mash potatoes and pumpkin pie! Hey, why not burn some calories before, during and after the feasting?! Look forward to seeing everyone and Happy Thanksgiving!!!
See you out on the road,
Bob
Well, I'm feeling a bit better today, but still not back to 100%. This has been some nasty flu! However, I am really looking forward to getting in a few miles this week with the COUCs. Did I mention EASY miles?! (I'm using the word "easy" here to describe the pace that I am looking forward to while riding with the Cast Of Unusual Characters. That was my best impersonation of Melvin Udaul.) And what a schedule of rides we have scheduled on the schedule of rides scheduled...or something like that.
Here is your 2012 Thanksgiving Holiday Riding Schedule:
1. Wednesday at 8am at Maygarden and Summit. 30 miles at a moderate pace. This is Crusher's pre-feast no guilt ride.
2. Thanksgiving Day at 8am at Maygarden and Summit for this 20 to 25 mile Starbucks ride. This annual parade pace is the social event of the Holiday Ride Schedule. Come on out and bring your spouse or significant other! (uh...just not both.)
3. Friday at 8am leaving from the Fish and Wildlife launch pad. This will keep us far away from the Black Friday madness in the shopping areas.
4. Saturday will see the peloton back at Maygarden and Summit at 8am for one of our usual loops.
5. Sunday at 3pm for the Mayo Cruiser Loop leaving from East Hill's favorite park; Bayview.
Come on out and burn off those mash potatoes and pumpkin pie! Hey, why not burn some calories before, during and after the feasting?! Look forward to seeing everyone and Happy Thanksgiving!!!
See you out on the road,
Bob
Friday, November 9, 2012
A Ride In The Hammock
On tap for tomorrow is one of our group's favorite rides; Hurst Hammock, or also known as The Twisted Hammock. This classic route meanders along familiar roads out to the Beulah area before making the turn that leads to Hurst Hammock itself. (For those of you who have never been in the Hammock, you are in for a real treat!) The pace up to this turn is usually along the moderate lines as the riders enjoy a get reacquainted session after the week long efforts of solo riding. Once we turn towards the Hammock however, all bets are off as the ride morphs into a race...with the Hammock Town Sign as the finish line. On occasion, the peloton has seen speeds into the mid 30s along this stretch as well as an all out rompin', stompin' sprint as the icing on the cake. It's always good fun!
The start time is 8am at Maygarden and Summit for this 50 miler. There is an option for those who would like a few more miles. (thus the "Twisted" moniker). Don't worry, we'll regroup at the two rest stops before continuing onward. And for those of you concerned about the pace, except for the Hammock Sprint and Maygarden Sprint at the end of the ride, the pace is usually moderate, (see Pace Chart below). The course is somewhat hilly but not bad. After the second rest stop it's pretty much flat. It's a great route and even more fun with the Dog and Pony show that is the F&S peloton!
What a cast of unusual characters! (COUCs) Even, a Cirque du Soleil has nothing on these guys!
The weather forecast looks very nice with temps in the low to mid 60s at start time and topping out in the low 70s by the time we're cranking it up on Maygarden. Can you say sunshine aplenty?! Really looking forward to seeing everyone for a ride in the (Twisted) Hammock! But, until then, I'll...
See you out on the road,
Bob
The start time is 8am at Maygarden and Summit for this 50 miler. There is an option for those who would like a few more miles. (thus the "Twisted" moniker). Don't worry, we'll regroup at the two rest stops before continuing onward. And for those of you concerned about the pace, except for the Hammock Sprint and Maygarden Sprint at the end of the ride, the pace is usually moderate, (see Pace Chart below). The course is somewhat hilly but not bad. After the second rest stop it's pretty much flat. It's a great route and even more fun with the Dog and Pony show that is the F&S peloton!
What a cast of unusual characters! (COUCs) Even, a Cirque du Soleil has nothing on these guys!
The weather forecast looks very nice with temps in the low to mid 60s at start time and topping out in the low 70s by the time we're cranking it up on Maygarden. Can you say sunshine aplenty?! Really looking forward to seeing everyone for a ride in the (Twisted) Hammock! But, until then, I'll...
See you out on the road,
Bob
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Be A LLEMMR!
It is truly a sad day...no more evening rides until March 2013! This time of the year is always difficult to deal with emotionally. The days are shorter, colder and we have less group riding. However, if you can look at this objectively, we still have fantastic weekend rides, not to mention our Holiday Riding Schedule...just no evening rides. What's a rider to do for miles logged? Well, one of our very own has offered his own unique solution (uh, shall we say, from the Left Lane).
Introducing: Left Lane's Early Morning Madness Rides! ( LLEMMR)
Instead of me trying to explain the concept second hand, here is the Visionary, in his own words, describing in a way only he can describe, how to become a LLEMMR.
Introducing: Left Lane's Early Morning Madness Rides! ( LLEMMR)
Instead of me trying to explain the concept second hand, here is the Visionary, in his own words, describing in a way only he can describe, how to become a LLEMMR.
"As the time changes and we can no
longer ride after work (for those in the peloton who still have to work….my
goal in life that one day oil would come up when I flush the toilet…looks
like an improbability…probably do not own the mineral rights to my East Hill
Manor anyway!!) it is once again time for LEFT LANES MORNING MADNESS RIDES
to begin.
Realizing several years ago that
I had to maintain a schedule of riding 4 to 5 days a week to maintain any
semblance of form and to have a reasonable chance of keeping up with what has
become a faster, somewhat younger, hammering peloton, I started trying to ride
2 to 3 mornings a week starting with the time change in early November each
year.
Of course when riding in the
mornings during Fall/Winter the weather becomes the main factor in which days I
ride. Typical rule of thumb for me has been that the temperature must be
above 35 degrees, the wind must be below around 18mph, No Rain, and also
Morning Fog can sometimes cancel my plans to ride. I use the hourly weather
forecast on Weather Underground for conditions/radar the night before to
determine suitability of the next morning’s conditions. For these reasons
I hesitate to set specific days to ride but typically I will ride 3 days out of
Monday to Thursday with Friday a day off (unless it is impossible to ride the
other days of the week).
Last year I was joined
consistently by Johnny Bugno (Dukes) and Nestordamus (Nestor) for
these rides. Whereas I live in East Hill, I get on my bike around 5:25AM
at my house at 1424 E Gadsden
Street (Gadsden
is 1 block south of and runs parallel to Cervantes Street). I head up Scenic Highway to Summit (lights
aflashing) and we join up at Summit & Spanish Trail at 5:45AM.
The typical Course is up Spanish to Creighton, to 9th Ave, to Olive,
to Johnson, to Olive, to Davis, to U Mall, to Burgess to Sarah then the
infamous Mansierre Loop which takes us to Old Palafox wherein we turn at the
road by Pensacola Christian over the Railroad tracks then through the hood over
the viaduct and coming out on Davis Highway. At Blount Johnny heads to
work and Nestor and I head to East Hill where I arrive typically around 6:55 or
so to get ready for work and Nestor heads back to the Cordova area.
I typically end up with
around 24 miles and we average in the 16 to 17mph range as we alternate pulls
at the front. These morning rides are more of a team effort with no
Sprints/Antics (hammerheads need not apply) and a goal of getting in some
valuable miles at a consistent pace during the week.
If anyone is interested (please
only those who are really considering riding) in joining the MORNING MADNESS
crew, send me an E-mail at rlopiccolo@airdesignhvac.com
and I will add you to the list and I will send out an E-mail the afternoon
before we plan to ride. With riders disbursed all over, you can join our
ride anywhere along the route not just at my house or at Summit and Spanish Trail…just determine where
and when we are nearest to your home. Please note with the demands of
having to complete the ride and get to work, we do not stop and wait for anyone
to show up…so if you plan on riding be timely or know when we will pass your
point of joining the ride. Riders will need both front and tail lights
and should have proper cold weather gear once the temperatures drop
significantly."
So join the guys for one of these rides and become part of an unique group known as the LLEMMERs. (Not to be confused with the Lemmings, a close relative from the rodent family who lives mainly in the Arctic regions. Nope, these guys like the warm weather.) You always learn something new when you tune in to this channel.
See you out on the road,
Bob
Friday, November 2, 2012
Another Beautiful Weekend (For A Fat Burner?)
If you love a warm sun and a cool breeze, this weekend is for you! All indications are for an absolutely fabulous ride tomorrow morning! Can't wait to get out with the COUCs on the Innerarity Point Loop. We'll start from Fish and Wildlife at 8am for this 50 miler. Let's try to keep the pace as advertised, okay? In fact, on our WFW Hammerfest (let's call it what it really is) last evening, Happy was mentioning how fast this year has been. I thought it meant "time flies", however he responded with how fast the peloton has been this year. He also wondered out loud if it, "...were possible to have some more moderately paced rides instead of always having to kill ourselves."
I have heard this sentiment from more than one rider in our group lately. Perhaps this winter, we could have a few more of, what Coolio likes to entitle, "Fat Burner Rides". These rides keep the heart rate in a more moderate schedule thereby burning fat for energy instead of glucose (glycogen) or carbohydrates. Using the latter for energy makes you want to eat the kitchen when you arrive home after a hard effort. It's because, and I'm simplifying here, you are not burning your fat stores or reserves for fuel. Fat is a great source of fuel and when used correctly, one can maintain an extended level of aerobic activity. (Some of us have a greater source then others) However, when the body switches from burning fat to burning carbs, the length of the activity is greatly diminished. And, as an added liability, you need to refuel more often...i.e. eat the kitchen!
I know, I know, it's alot more complicated then what I am explaining here, however do some research on your own to confirm the dynamics of heart rate to level of exertion and what exactly you are burning for fuel. You'll be amazed at what you find and may want to slow it down a bit. (Check out the production of Free Radicals as well). The key is to keep your heart rate up high enough to where it is just under the invisible "switch" where it begins to use your glycogen stores. That's the trick and it is different with each individual based mainly on their level of current fitness as well as some other factors. Again, I'm simplifying here.
Now, here is a very basic guideline for you to consider: Take the number 210. Subtract your age. This number is generally considered your maximum (sustainable) heart rate per minute (bpm). Now, multiply by 70% to 80% and this gives you the basic target heart rate range for burning fat. Above this range, you're using glycogen. Again, this is very basic and is movable based on your fitness level. However, if you are 50 years old, for example, your maximum heart rate would be around 160bpm. Multiply that by 70% and you have a general heart rate of around 112bpm. 80% is 128bpm. This 112 to 128bpm would be a good range or "Target Zone" for you, based on your level of fitness, to aim for on your next ride. (Just for grins, check what your actual rate is on our next ride!)
Again, this is very basic and should be researched for your own benefit. And you will benefit greatly! There are however, very sophisticated tests where you can be measured while actually exercising that can determine your exact heart rate where your "switch" lies. I visited one such facility in the Phoenix area. The test takes about 2 hours and costs $300. Fascinating science. And much more precise than what is being communicated here. But, this is just a means to perhaps persuade our peloton to consider a more moderate pacing this winter riding season.
Now you may argue, "How can those of varying levels of fitness ride together and maintain their individual "Target Zones?" Ah, good question my young Padawan. We use gearing and cadence as well as time in the draft or up front pulling. Try your own experiment, it works!
And speaking of experiments, there are several to choose from (check the Rides Calendar) in the near future. Not as many as before the time changes this Sunday however. Remember to fall back one hour! Yes, I know, I was wrong this past Tuesday at the TERAD. No more emails! It wasn't the first time I have been mistaken...and I can guarandadgumtee you it won't be the last!
See you out on the road,
Bob
I have heard this sentiment from more than one rider in our group lately. Perhaps this winter, we could have a few more of, what Coolio likes to entitle, "Fat Burner Rides". These rides keep the heart rate in a more moderate schedule thereby burning fat for energy instead of glucose (glycogen) or carbohydrates. Using the latter for energy makes you want to eat the kitchen when you arrive home after a hard effort. It's because, and I'm simplifying here, you are not burning your fat stores or reserves for fuel. Fat is a great source of fuel and when used correctly, one can maintain an extended level of aerobic activity. (Some of us have a greater source then others) However, when the body switches from burning fat to burning carbs, the length of the activity is greatly diminished. And, as an added liability, you need to refuel more often...i.e. eat the kitchen!
I know, I know, it's alot more complicated then what I am explaining here, however do some research on your own to confirm the dynamics of heart rate to level of exertion and what exactly you are burning for fuel. You'll be amazed at what you find and may want to slow it down a bit. (Check out the production of Free Radicals as well). The key is to keep your heart rate up high enough to where it is just under the invisible "switch" where it begins to use your glycogen stores. That's the trick and it is different with each individual based mainly on their level of current fitness as well as some other factors. Again, I'm simplifying here.
Now, here is a very basic guideline for you to consider: Take the number 210. Subtract your age. This number is generally considered your maximum (sustainable) heart rate per minute (bpm). Now, multiply by 70% to 80% and this gives you the basic target heart rate range for burning fat. Above this range, you're using glycogen. Again, this is very basic and is movable based on your fitness level. However, if you are 50 years old, for example, your maximum heart rate would be around 160bpm. Multiply that by 70% and you have a general heart rate of around 112bpm. 80% is 128bpm. This 112 to 128bpm would be a good range or "Target Zone" for you, based on your level of fitness, to aim for on your next ride. (Just for grins, check what your actual rate is on our next ride!)
Again, this is very basic and should be researched for your own benefit. And you will benefit greatly! There are however, very sophisticated tests where you can be measured while actually exercising that can determine your exact heart rate where your "switch" lies. I visited one such facility in the Phoenix area. The test takes about 2 hours and costs $300. Fascinating science. And much more precise than what is being communicated here. But, this is just a means to perhaps persuade our peloton to consider a more moderate pacing this winter riding season.
Now you may argue, "How can those of varying levels of fitness ride together and maintain their individual "Target Zones?" Ah, good question my young Padawan. We use gearing and cadence as well as time in the draft or up front pulling. Try your own experiment, it works!
And speaking of experiments, there are several to choose from (check the Rides Calendar) in the near future. Not as many as before the time changes this Sunday however. Remember to fall back one hour! Yes, I know, I was wrong this past Tuesday at the TERAD. No more emails! It wasn't the first time I have been mistaken...and I can guarandadgumtee you it won't be the last!
See you out on the road,
Bob
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