The View From The Left Lane

Although I have been unable to attend the TERAD lately because of work getting in the way, (thus the comment by Left Lane regarding the Mother Clucking Vortex.) we have a most capable "Pinch Blogulator" in none other than the Left Lane himself. Here is his uh, view:

Note: The views and opinions expressed by the Pinch Blogulator are not necessarily those of the Blogulator. However, some maybe the same...you decide which ones.

Due to the absence of the Mother Clucking Vortex, The Left Lane has once again been called on to add fodder to the  blog site.  It’s kind of hard to write from the back of the Peloton (can’t see what’s happening at the front) but The LL is finally getting his legs back (such as they are) from the Knee set back earlier in the year.  So instead of being a ½ mile behind at the finish I’m only around 1/5 of a mile back or so and can sometimes see the finish!!

Well the weather was great except for the matter of around a 15 mph wind which was with me riding out Scenic Highway.  It was blowing so hard that I got to Maygarden & Summit around 10 minutes early.  Of course this meant that the final sprint up Maygarden at the end of the ride would be into the teeth of the wind.

Riding were many of the usual suspects:  Big Motor, Bad Mayo, Retro Dave, LawnChair Fast Eddie, Scott Hurt Locker Burt, Nestordamus, Jason, Jason, Coolio (sporting some new patent plastic blue shoes (no high heels) that Dorothy or Imelda Marcos would have been proud of)…you won’t see these out on a rainy day!!  Also Harlan rode up as we were about to leave already having around 15 miles on his odometer..this guys is addicted to mileage and calls it a rest week if he doesn’t go over 225 miles a week.   After riding around 75 miles in the Tour De Cure Saturday I took Sunday and Monday off because the wind was blowing around 22mph each day…but Harlan of course rode both days.  We also picked up Johnny Bugno on the first time up Langley Avenue.

Nestordamus showed up at M&S early as well and regaled me with tales of The Cheehah Challenge which he rode with Danimal (who seems to be above coming out for a TERAD with the boys!!,,probably building a new Hotel or something) & Bryan.  Nestor said it was really tough especially having to finish up riding back into the wind.  But he was able to take it off his bucket list.  Of course someone then brought up that he would have to do 6Gap next!!

Anyway we got started and immediately the pace was quick and it looked like we were in for a Hammerfest.   We hit it pretty  hard down Summit and up 12  with half of the group getting caught at the light at Airport which slowed us down up to Langley.  We had the wind going up Langley though and we hammered it all the way down to Spanish Trail.  Johnny Bugno & Left Lane did the pull up Spanish and to the Crit Loop.  As we got into the Crit Loop we separated into three groups (some of us avoiding the speed bumps on the original course) on different routes and all coming back together as we headed to Scenic Highway.  Everyone was back together and we Hammered through the rest of the Crit Loop with Harlan leading the way. Just then a blue azure glow fell over the peloton and I turned to see Coolio with a Cheshire Cat grin on his face and my attention immediately being directed to the blue glow...His Shoes!

The pace continued to be quick through the hood and up to 9^th avenue.  As we crossed 9^th Avenue, Hurt Locker Burt went to the front and put down the pace “softening up the Peloton”.  Scott stayed at the Nose of the Peloton all the way up to Creighton putting down a 23mph pace into the wind the whole way.  The boy had Fresh Legs after not riding since the past Wednesday and bailing on his Cheehah ride because of the anticipated Rain which never happened and taking it out on the Peloton.  We cruised through the hood and bounce out onto Burgess where Fast Eddie slammed it up to the 30mph range as the wind became favorable.  Boy my legs were aching by this time but Keith and I were in front as we neared 9^th Avenue and around 100 yard ahead of the rest.  Believe it or not the light at 9nth was green and we pushed it to get through thinking about doing a 2 man breakaway and giving the boys something to chase.  But 3 other riders made it through so we waited on the other side of 12^th and  regrouped.  Hurt Locker bellyached about all that Peloton softening was for naught!!

After regrouping we immediately put it into overdrive, hitting around 24mph past the runway and up to the Optimist Park and then Fast Eddie going to the front and slamming it up into the 30 mph range the rest of the way down Langley.  Did I mention HAMMMERFEST??  I think I did!!

The pace slowed a little as we turned onto Spanish Trail as we headed into the wind.  We turned onto Maygarden and the pace was in the lower 20s with the wind in our face with Big Motor Keith doing the Big Bull Pull as usual.  Eventually Fast Eddie blasted off the front taking Retro & Coolio with him and the rest of us falling behind.  Around the S curve Scott Blasted through taking Nestordamus on his wheel with Left Lane as usual not quite able to grab the wheel of this second chase group and Big Motor falling back after doing all the work.  Scott slammed it down and reeled in quite a bit of the lead group’s edge but could not bridge the gap with he and Nestor rolling in 4^th & 5^th. 

At the finish it wasn’t clear who took the victory and the week’s braggin rites of the three front runners.  Fast Eddie said Retro Dave nipped him but Dave was magnanimous in crediting Fast Eddie with the win.  Maybe it was a tie.  Dorothy  Coolio in his Blue Glass Slippers admitting that he was just holding on was a close third.  Yours truly, the Left Lane dragged in a respectable 6^th.

Great ride as usual.  As we got ready to head down Scenic Highway for the ride home I ribbed Keith that maybe today after such a Hammerfest we could Noodle down Scenic Highway.  He said Sure Mate(or something like that) but as usual once we got out onto Scenic we slammed it all the way home running around 23mph into the wind the whole way!!  I need a drink….Jameson on the rocks please!!

From the Left Lane….That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Great post there Left Lane! And if you, like me, missed the antics, that's okay there's more to come this Saturday! So you, like me, can join in the fun then. When and where you ask? It all starts at 7am at Maygarden and Summit. Come on out for the Twisted Hammock Loop. There will be a long route group of about 55 miles and a short route group doing about 45 miles. See you then and as always...

See you out on the road,

Bob 

Guess What Tonight is?

Did you guess TERAD? You are absolutely resolutely correct!

It's time for a romp on the Super Figure 8 Loop with the cast of unusual characters. Everyone is back from their long rides this past weekend and the big sprinters are juicing up for what will no doubt be a sprint royale this evening. In case you've been absent or just slept your last two weeks away, we've had no lack of antics on the last 5 kilometers of the TERAD. I'm sure tonight will be the showdown we've all been waiting for! Who will be there at the line?!

The word on the street is several of the big pistonned boys over did it this past weekend at Cheaha. (Or is this just some savvy tactics? You know, the verbal sparring is half the battle. Don't believe me? Ask Coolio!) It does appear that Retro and 3P have worked out some sort of twisted alliance. However, with one of the best lead out men in the peloton in Hurt Locker, Twin Six, is the odds on favorite in Vegas. But don't count out the big Clydesdale Crusher who has been seen at a local cafe' with Big Motor and a map of tonight's route! (Perhaps a long breakaway? Nah...) And speaking of long breakaways...Left Lane may have some of his usual Rules of Scofflaw tactics up his proverbial sleeveless sleeve! Can you say hood ornament?

There are several other hopefuls as well that could spoil the party for the sprinters. Don't count out that Bad Mayonaisse, Lawman, Gianni Bugno, Nestordamus or any of the Young Jedis who show up just for the glory of winning on the infamous Maygarden Madness! (And for a shot at the podium girls...) And don't forget the word on the street is for a cameo appearance from current El Presidente Brett "Maverick" Laggan and his wingman Ty "Turbo" Turbyfil. If these two Pros show up, well..."Who let the dogs out?! Woof, woof, woof..." Oh yeah baby, I just love this kind of stuff!!!

It all starts tonight at the Maygarden and Summit Launch Pad at 5:30pm. Don't miss one minute of the antic filled ride. Tuck in and hold on for a rompin', stompin' Hammerfest that is the Super Figure 8 COUCfest. This is serious fun! And the weather forecast is almost perfect! Come on out!!!

See you out on the road,
Bob

I Love A Good Hammerfest, Don't You?

And that is precisely what the TERAD is all about! We designed the TERAD course, at great expense, with all the elements of the perfect race course. (Uh, if we could delete the stop signs and traffic lights...kinda like Left Lane does anyway.) I mean, think of it; we have several miles of long flat fast sections, a "crit" loop, and of course, the best final 5 kilometers in the Pensacola area for setting up the final sprint. Oh yeah, baby...it's TERAD tonight!!!

Last week saw Twin Six, Hurt Locker and Lounge Lizard (Eddie Sanders) attack with 5k to go. As the three bandits made the turn onto Spanish, Lounge Lizard slowed allowing Twin Six and Hurt Locker to charge ahead with about 3k to the line. As they passed under the 2k to go banner, Twin Six decided to do his impersonation of Tom Boonen in Paris/Roubaix. The boy, in both cases had the bit between the teeth. However, with about 500 meters to go a chase group of 3P, Crusher, Big Motor and Retro had Twin Six in their cross hairs. (Uh, that's a firearms term for those of you who aren't members of the NRA. Means; they had Twin Six as their target.) At about 300 meters, all but Retro had been jettisoned and the 1970's jersey wearing missile was in full launch mode and cleared for take off. He passes Twin Six, who was thinking, "This isn't what happened to Tom Boonen?!" and went on to take the win with Twin Six a close second.

What a great ride and good fun! Although at the post ride Kiss and Cry area, Twin Six was overheard to say, "Not to boast, but I think I could take him in a sprint." Retro lashed back, "Uh...hope not." Whoa...you heard it here first! Tonight will be a head to head rematch of the two big pistonned sprinters! We're talking some serious girth here! The fans are going wild! Don't dare miss this one!

So, come on out and enjoy some serious hammer time with the cast of unusual characters, including names like Bad Mayonnaise, Twin Six, Big Motor, Crusher, Retro and Gianni Bugno himself. That doesn't even include some of the support staff. Oh yeah, this is some serious fun! I mean, get real...with a name like Bad Mayonnaise it's got to be fun, right?! Well, don't miss your opportunity to become one of the COUCs. (We're always hiring!) Word on the street is for a possible Coolio sighting. Dude, that's worth the price of admission.

And it all starts tonight at 5:30pm at the Maygarden and Summit Staging Area and Launch Pad. (MASSAALP) Come on out!

See you out on the road,
Bob

Tomorrow Morning's Ride

As most of you know, we are doing one of our group's most favorite routes tomorrow. I know it's a lot of miles for April, but the following Saturday is Tour de Cure and most of us should be able to handle the distance, if riding wisely. I say wisely because there are certain things all savvy riders do regardless of the pace or distance. Among these, are most important; "Early and Often." It's kind of like your parents told you when you were young regarding a savings account or investing. But, this is about riding, about hydration and nutrition.

At some point on tomorrow's lengthy ride, you are going to call down to the engine room for more power. It may be during the course of one of the Hammer Zones or perhaps the hill on Hamilton Bridge Road or shudder the thought; the Gargoyle Point Bridge...with a nasty headwind. Whatever the case, you are going to ask for more power at some point. But, what will be the response? That's why it is so important to eat and drink early in our ride and as often as possible. Don't wait until you feel thirsty or weak...at that point it is too late. Don't wait for the rest stops either. That is too much lag time between fill ups. The tank should be as close to topped off as you feel comfortable for most of the ride. This will help with the demands on the pistons as well as avoiding the dreaded Bonk.

Another way to help avoid that lurking Bonk is to take short pulls. I know, I know, we all want to look macho and beastly by taking some 7 mile pull uphill and into a headwind. We want to hear the accolades from our fellow riders; "Awesome pull!" or, "Beastly!"..."You animal!" However, if 20 miles from home you have to call Mama to come pick you up because your pistons have stopped functioning, what good was it. Same with speed; when it is your turn to pull, maintain a consistant pace, don't speed up because now you're on the front. You may not have as big an engine as you thought farther down the road. Therefore, as the Outlaw Josey Wales expressed, "A man's got to know his limitations." Know your limitations and take short pulls until you can gauge how your feeling. At our age, some days we have the legs and other days...well?!

And, if your having a difficult time of it, do yourself and everyone else a favor, stay at the back and suck some serious wheel! Nobody is going to laugh at you or call you a whimp. We have all had bad days and know all too well how it feels...so go to the back and enjoy the draft, okay? We would much rather you do that then to sit on the side of the road and wait for Mama...especially if we have to wait with you.

Now a word to you neophytes: Don't be intimidated by the monikers donned by many of the F&S peloton. Names like; Crusher, Big Motor, Twin Six, Danger, Hurt Locker and the like. (Although, I will advise you that even though a gentle Clydesdale, don't let Crusher fall on you...there's a reason he's called Crusher.) These names, to be sure, strike fear in most every riders hearts. However, they're all just pussycats. Nothing to be feared from this lot. Nope, they would give you the shirt off their backs...just don't ask for a cycling jersey. The only one you may want to avoid is the Left Lane. I wouldn't follow his wheel into an intersection...may be your last. Other that that, come on out and enjoy some good clean fun on the Around The Bay Loop tomorrow!

The train leaves the Maygarden and Summit station promptly at 7:05am! If you're late, just head north on Spanish Trail. You should be able to catch us as we soft pedal for the first few miles. Come on out and ride!!!

Don't forget the WFW ride at 8am on Sunday at Bagel Heads on Gregory. They're going Reverse Around The Bay...although a different route. Two great rides this weekend!

See you out on the road,
Bob

The Verdict Is In!

Several of the COUCs, as well as a few others, have weighed in on the decision to change this Saturday's route. We had scheduled one of our group's favorite loops, The Twisted Hammock but from the noise I'm hearing back we will not be heading west early Saturday morning. In fact, the response has been overwhelming...something like 17 to 1 in favor of the all time group fave; The Around The Bay Loop!

Now for you neophytes, this is a fantastic course, with all the variety of a peloton smorgasbord with none of the nasty aftertaste. Oh yeah, if you are looking for 60+ miles at a moderate pace with a bunch of goofballs who can hammer...you've found El Paradiso! (Uh, that's a bit of Spanish thrown in there for your multicultural pleasure...means: Paradise.) Yessirree bobby, this route, put together several years ago at great expense, has it all; flats, hills, bridges, rest stops, free lottery tickets. (Uh, scratch that last one.)

No doubt, the Boys of Summer will be out in force this Saturday at 7am at Maygarden and Summit. (For those of you reading this from around the globe, the Boys of Summer is a reference to the sport of American Baseball. We're using it here as an metaphor for those riders who only ride during the warmer temperatures each year. For an example look in the Cycling Dictionary under: Coolio.) Ah yes, more multicultural emphasis that you have come to expect from the infamous Blogazoidal.

Now, before we go much further and forget our roots altogether, please review the following Blogification, (Blog Post) for more details on our Around The Bay Ride this Saturday:
Saturday, March 30th entitled: "Around The Bay and Hammer Zones"

We're going to try an experiment and see what kind of results we get with this Hammer Zones idea. Come on out and give it a whirl on one, two or more of these guinea pig zones. (We'll be taking notes.) Be sure to save enough in the tank to get home!

See you at 7am Saturday morning at Maygarden and Summit! Also, I hope to...

See you out on the road,
Bob

Beautiful Weekend Of Riding

I'm not sure, but I think that may have been the best weather ever for our Full Moon Ride, Friday evening on the beach! Absolute clear skies with a beautiful sunset as the group headed towards Fort Pickens National Park and then a gorgeous full moon over the Gulf of Mexico during the trip back to the parking lot at Casino Beach! I hope we have several more of those this riding season. If you missed it...well, you missed out on just about a perfect ride. However, don't cry in your soup, we'll have another full moon next month. (Check the Rides Calendar for the date and time.)

Saturday morning early had the peloton turning the cranks west towards Lillian, Alabama in what was to become a Hammerfest as a bunch of middle aged men chased a young SheBeast named Ashley to the Perdido Bay Bridge. It must have been quite the sight to passing motorists as we romped along westbound on Hwy 98 in the high 20s mph. In fact, a Sheriff's Deputy stopped the group to assure that the young lady we were all chasing was in no actual danger. Although several sincere attempts by the male riders were made to try and convince the astute member of the local law enforcement community that we were just pacelining, he was not dissuaded from his intent. However, once hearing from the "more delicate gender", (SheBeast Ashley), he appeared relieved to learn that all the masculine heavy breathing was just from exhaustion in trying to follow the fem fatale's wheel as she dragged this group of middle aged machos into Anaroebia!

Once back in the saddle, the anxiety level among the "more robust gender" seemed to subside substantially with the realization no one was spending Easter in Escambia County's version of Hotel California. ("...come any time you want, but you can never leave.") In fact, after the much needed rest stop in Lillian, the wiser riders among us decided to let the feminine version of Fabian Cancellara and a small group head on down the road while they formed their own peloton at the back.

This whole episode really did some serious damage to the sensitive psyche of several of the more masculine riders. At the rest stop in Lillian, Turbo and Danamal were witnessed browsing an Avon catalog. When asked if they were feeling okay, they retorted something about needing moisturizer for their legs. (Yep, serious damage.)

The ride home, with two pelotons, was uneventful as both groups did their own version of suffering into a fairly nasty headwind. Although a bit weary, all arrived safely at Ritchey's East where Left Lane declared; "Time for some recovery drinks!" Off he rode to the palatial Lopicollo estate for no doubt some serious liquid carbo loading. The rest of us cruised on home a little bit wiser from the day's proceedings.

Great ride and there's more to come this week! Tomorrow evening at 5:30pm at Maygarden and Summit is our weekly TERAD! Come on somebody! Wednesday is the WFW Hammerfest which starts at 5pm at the parking lot at WSRE studios. (Uh...watch out for a little girl with two huge pistons and a tatoo on her left bicep, "SheBeast" Just FYI.) Two great midweek rides! Come on out everybody!!!

See you out on the road,
Bob

Full Moon Ride Tonight And...

Tonight is our first Full Moon Ride of the 2012 riding season! And looks like the weather is going to be perfect! Clear skies with a breeze out of the northeast. Come on somebody...come on everybody!

And...then on Saturday morning we have the Cast Of Unusual Characters heading out on the Lillian Loop. (May have to change the route as the wind is forecast out of the east.) Regardless, we'll get in a fantastic ride with temps in the low 70s and low humidity. It doesn't get much better than that!

My apologies for no TERAD commentary this week. The Blogifier was out riding up mountains in the southwest as part of his Double Secret Training Regiment. (Guess it's not secret now.) In fact, he set a record up a 9 kilometer climb outside of Phoenix. It's absolutely true! Locals said, "I've never seen that climb take so long! That dude set a record!" In his defense, the Blogifier retorted, "Hey man, I passed a couple guys! Yeah, so what if they were walking, they took longer than me to get to the top!" So, it appears he had his hands full and the usual "pinch hit writers" didn't send in their reports...other than to say that Eddie "Lounge Chair" Fisher was rompin' and stompin' on his recumbant! I don't even know who won the sprint...was there a sprint?

We'll take good notes this weekend though! And you can get all the details on the latest antics from the Firestone and Summit peloton right here on the Blogazoidal next week. See you at 7am tomorrow morning at Fish and Wildlife and don't forget tonight at 6:30pm at Casino Beach Parking Lot for the Full Moon Ride! Please bring your lights and an extra $3 to get in the National Park.

Wow, what a weekend for riding! Can't wait to be back in the COUCs saddle again! See you then and as always, I'll...

See you out on the (mountain) road,
Bob

Tomorrow Is TERAD!

Well, finally got a ride in on Saturday after much sky gazing and radar watching. It was 1pm when the COUCs left Maygarden and Summit for a trip around the Twisted 3 Amigos Loop. The pace early was generally under control with a few frisky but short lived stretches. However, once onto Gulf Beach Hwy, "Who let the dogs out?!" It appeared that the Danamal had left a couple gallons of fuel in the tank for the Tailwind Express trip home.

With the bit between the teeth, Danamal did his version of a suicide pull for Crusher as we approached the infamous Fried Twinkie Sprint. With 300 meters to go, the big Clydesdale boy jumped out of the saddle and did an impersonation of Mark Cavendish that would have made the Mansk Missile proud! Coming across the line and grabbing the tasty fried creme filled sponge cake, Crusher quickly shared his prize with his lead out man du jour, the Danamal. (Who just as quickly declined stating it was one of the most disgusting things he ever saw!)

Once onto the Bayou Chico Bridge, Coolio, the rider all the fans hate to love, (get it?) put the hammer down showing some early season form that has eluded the little climber the last couple years. Sprinting across the line he clearly won all the polka dot jersey points for the day. However, once on the downhill section, he quickly was jettisoned out the back as once again the Danamal, Happy and the Prenti came to the front and took all survivors to a visit with Anaroebia! (Happy also has shown remarkable early season form as well as Prenti. Many have commented, raising suspicions of the employment of the infamous Double Secret Workouts by some within the peloton this past winter.) As the three bandits charged down Bayfront, two big Clydesdale figures, from 100 meters back, had the three in their cross-hairs.

Yes, you guessed it, Crusher with the Vortex on his wheel were actually catching the three lightweight hammerheads. Chasing at over 30mph, they pulled the escapees back just in time for the final few hundred meters! It was a showdown between the Featherweights and the big Clydesdales. Three against two. Speed versus power. Evil against good! (Okay, I overstated there, but you get the idea.) And just as they were winding up the sprint with the Vortex chomping at the bit on the wheel of his faithful leadout man...the missile was ignited and ready to launch! He clicked a couple gears and...

Then the traffic light turned red.

Oh well, great ride anyway. I had 48 miles as I pulled into the garage. (I know, major let down. But, we have to obey those traffic laws! Besides, a huge truck was coming through the intersection!) Good call!

And tomorrow is TERAD! Yes, 25 miles of rompin', stompin' fun on the classic Super Figure 8 Loop with the Cast Of Unuuusual Characters! (You really need to drag the "u" in the word Unusual to get the full impact of the moniker.) The antics start at 5:30pm at Maygarden and Summit! Come on somebody!

Then don't forget Wednesday at 5pm at WSRE for the WFW Hammerfest Ride! This 25 miler will blow a fuse in your Garmin! Come on out for 25 miles of race like action!

See you out on the road,
Bob